Letter of Wishes (2026): What It Is, What It Can't Do, and Why Your Executor Needs One

What a letter of wishes actually is

The document goes by several names — letter of instruction, side letter, memorandum of wishes — but the concept is consistent across US estate practice. You write it alongside your last will and testament, and you keep it private. Unlike the will, it never gets filed with a probate court, which means it doesn't become a public record when you die.

Attorneys often describe it as the "why" behind the "what." Your will says who gets what. The letter explains the reasoning, fills in gaps, and handles details that don't belong in a legal instrument.

What it can't do — and why that matters

This is the part most estate planning guides gloss over, so let's be direct: a letter of wishes cannot distribute property. It cannot override your will. It cannot create legally enforceable obligations for anyone who reads it.

If you write "I want my daughter to receive the dining table" in a letter of wishes but the will says the table goes to your estate residue (which splits equally among three children), the letter loses. Every time. Courts apply the will; letters of wishes are guidance, not commands.

The same applies to financial accounts with named beneficiaries. A letter of wishes cannot redirect a 401(k), a life insurance payout, or a transfer-on-death bank account. Those pass by contract or by beneficiary designation — completely outside the will and completely outside any letter you write to accompany it.

Where this creates real problems: people sometimes use a letter of wishes as a shortcut, writing property gifts there instead of updating the will. Their executor then faces a messy situation — morally aware of the deceased's preference but legally bound to follow the will. Get the property distribution right in the will itself. Use the letter for everything else.

Where a letter of wishes does real work

Discretionary trust guidance. If your estate plan includes a living trust with a discretionary component — meaning a trustee has authority to distribute income or principal among a class of beneficiaries based on their own judgment — a letter of wishes is the mechanism you use to guide that discretion. The trustee isn't legally required to follow it, but courts in most states do consider a letter of wishes as evidence of the settlor's intent when a beneficiary challenges a distribution. In practice, most trustees treat a well-written letter as close to binding.

The living trust structure pairs naturally with this: the trust document gives the trustee the power, and the letter of wishes tells the trustee how to think about using it. Without the letter, the trustee is navigating blind.

Funeral and burial preferences. Many Americans don't realize that by the time a will is read, the funeral is already over. Probate timelines mean your will might not be opened for days or weeks after death. Funeral preferences belong in a separate document that your executor can access immediately — which is exactly what a letter of wishes provides. Specify whether you want burial or cremation, what kind of service (or none at all), any cultural or religious requirements, and who should be notified first.

Pet care instructions. Wills can create a pet trust — and in all 50 states, pet trusts are now recognized as legally enforceable under the Uniform Trust Code or state equivalents — but the trust document itself won't explain your dog's feeding schedule, medical history, vet contacts, or the fact that she's anxious around strangers. A letter of wishes fills that operational gap. Name a preferred caregiver, a backup, and any expenses the caregiver should expect.

Digital assets and account access. The Revised Uniform Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act (RUFADAA), adopted in some form by most states, gives fiduciaries the legal authority to access digital accounts — but only to the extent the platform's terms of service and the account holder's settings allow. A letter of wishes is the right place to document what digital accounts exist, where to find credentials (a reference to a password manager, not the passwords themselves), and what you want done with each account. Facebook, for instance, allows users to designate a legacy contact or request memorialization — decisions that belong in the letter, not the will.

Personal property memorandum. About half of US states recognize a "tangible personal property memorandum" as a legally enforceable supplement to a will for distributing specific personal items — furniture, jewelry, artwork, collectibles. Under Uniform Probate Code § 2-513, adopted in many states, such a memorandum can be written or updated after the will is signed and still controls distribution of the named items. Check your state's law, because in states that don't recognize this device, a personal property list in a letter of wishes is guidance only, not binding. Either way, writing it out prevents disputes.

Why your executor needs it — practically speaking

Executors make dozens of judgment calls that no will anticipates. Do you pay the estate's debts in one lump or over time? How aggressively do you pursue a disputed account? How do you handle the deceased's business relationships? What do you tell family members who weren't in the will?

An executor without a letter of wishes is working from silence. One with a letter has a reference point — a document that says "here's what I was thinking, here's what matters to me, here's who to call." That reduces conflict between beneficiaries, speeds the administration process, and gives the executor personal protection if their decisions are later questioned.

The letter also serves as an inventory prompt. Executors often don't know what assets exist. A thorough letter of wishes lists bank accounts, brokerage accounts, real property, insurance policies, outstanding loans, business interests, and recurring subscriptions that need cancellation. That list alone saves weeks.

Writing one that actually holds up

Keep it practical and specific. Vague statements ("treat my children fairly") don't help anyone; specific preferences ("I'd like the car to go to whoever needs it most at the time — my daughter doesn't drive, so probably my son") do. Date the document and sign it. Tell your executor where it's kept — don't store it somewhere only you can find.

Update it after major life events: a divorce, a new grandchild, a change in your digital accounts, a new pet. Unlike a will, a letter of wishes doesn't require witnesses or notarization under US law, so revision is straightforward.

One caution: don't put anything in the letter you need to remain private. Your executor will likely show it to beneficiaries. If there are family dynamics you want your executor to understand but don't want widely shared, consider a separate confidential note addressed to your executor alone, kept sealed until death.

The gap it fills in an estate plan

A complete estate plan for most Americans involves a will, possibly a revocable living trust, durable powers of attorney for finances and healthcare, and beneficiary designations on all accounts. The letter of wishes sits alongside all of these — not instead of any of them. It's the document that turns a set of legal instruments into a set of human intentions.

Forms-legal.com offers a last will and testament template that covers the property distribution and executor appointment; the letter of wishes handles the rest. Together, they give the people you trust enough information to settle your affairs the way you actually wanted.

Draft the letter now, before the plan feels urgent. The only wrong time to write it is after you need it.